Friends

i wish everything was working out for my brother & his ski trip.
i wish i could see my baby, miss him lots.
i wish the snow & ice would melt here so i can go walk.

strife

i wasn't here anymore

I wish I was home.

I wish things weren't so tense between me and my dad.

I wish these days could just go fast.

I wish New Year will be more fun than it sounds.

I wish someone could make me feel better.

I wish that things will become clear in the near future. <3

The biggest wish I had this year for Christmas wasn't granted and that was an opportunity at church or another place to run into my old friend Dewey, confront him, and tell him how I feel. I wanted that simple chance even more than a laptop, (which I did get) and it wouldn't have costed anyone a dime unless if someone wanted to buy me a drink or something. I wanted to know if his feelings were mutual. Even if they weren't, then my heart could finally move on.

Of course, I never did get that wish. When I realized that it just wasn't going to happen, I went into a serious mental breakdown, sobbing for hours by the end of Christmas Day. Even today I broke down crying and my anxiety about ever finding love becomes worse. So much worse. It feels like that someone had ripped out my heart, squeezed it, then crushed it... again.

Why did God break up his mother and my father anyway? Was it for me and Dewey to be together or is it for something else? I'm still highly disturbed by this because I felt connected to Lynda and her family, as if we were meant to be together. Like I finally had a mother again. I was so close to obtaining a normal family as well after mom abandoned me at the age of 14. Then by the time I graduated...that too was taken from me and I'm left to suffer feeling like I have nothing to live for.

I don't know where to turn anymore. If being single forever and a college degree is the only thing that God wills me to have then I just don't want to be here anymore. I'd rather die. Being alone is not healthy for me at all and it's killing me as the days pass by. What's left for me here?

I wish.. I could be given a second chance to find love again... in person. Then my heart could finally heal. Even if it doesn't work out then I could at least have the much needed experience to help my other friends in need...

I wish I wasn't a failure to my parents.

I wish I could make them proud of me.

I wish I wasn't such a nuisance to them.

I wish I didn't cause them so much grief.

I wish I could just...make them happy for once.

I wish I wasn't so allergic to pets.
I wish she was here for the holidays.
I wish she wasn't scared of relationships.

And I was introduced to her boyfriend for the first time. After ten or so minutes on catching up she turns to him and just says:

Steph's a genius. She's the smartest person I know. 

I wish my cat hadn't gotten so sick on Christmas, On a Friday when the vet isn't open again until Monday. I'm scared he is dying.

And I wish David Tennant weren't leaving Doctor Who.

This year has sucked, and this was the worst Christmas ever!!

I'm going to marry him:

Him: You honor me. I couldn't be more happily promised to anyone else. I love you.

:D

I wish you didn't keep blowing me off when I really need you.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas!
And if you're tired of hearing about Christmas, I'm sorry. I know how that can be sometimes.
I also wish that everyone has a good year in 2010. You all deserve it for being so caring and supportive!

Happy Holidays

I wish my mom could stop going into my room and taking my things to give out as presents without my permission.

I wish she could stop getting angry when I ask her about it because it’s not my fault.

I wish the rest of the family could care.

I wish she could stop ruining my Christmas. I wish she could stop ruining my life.

I wish I could stop being so negative. But I wish everyone a Merry Christmas. ♥

I wish I could know whether I'm crazy and imagining this, or if he's really a big liar who's so clearly sending out signals.

I wish I didn't have to go to Stockholm in January. Actually, I wish the stupid tickets will get sold out so I won't have to go without looking like a douche.

I wish I could stop making promises because I know I can't keep them.

I wish my dad won't freak out when I tell him I smoke.

I wish it wasn't so god damn frightening to tell him. After all, he's known for years but we just haven't mentioned it.

I wish I had something to do.

I wish my thighs weren't so fat.

I wish Christmas didn't suck.

I wish my inner child wasn't growing old.

I wish I wasn't growing old.

I wish I had the energy and will to do things. Fun, youthful things.

I wish life would be easier for the ones I love and care about.

I wish I wasn't such a pathetic, cowardly human being.

I wish I wasn't spending my night crying.

I wish that I could tell at least one person all of this without them starting to talk about stupid stuff I don't care about right now.

I wish one of my friends would actually care and not brush this off like it's nothing.

I wish I could run halfway across the country (or planet, even) and find a family who has a proper Christmas, one who doesn't nag and bicker and shoot down their sisters behind their backs. What the hell, family, this is Christmas. If you really don't love each other, then at least pretend, okay?

I wish those Best Buy adverts didn't pop up every bloody time I open livejournal. GRR

On the night before Christmas